


Rattling Realisations

by VenusOurania



Series: Détente [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Hopeful Ending, Angst with an Ambiguous Ending, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Torture, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Odin tries, Odin's B+ Parenting, One-Shot, Past Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:21:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24218062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VenusOurania/pseuds/VenusOurania
Summary: When Thor presents the All-Father with the scepter Loki had used during the invasion in Midgard, Odin is struck with an alarming possibility.
Relationships: Loki & Odin (Marvel)
Series: Détente [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1752034
Comments: 38
Kudos: 247





	Rattling Realisations

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Unraveling](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7833925) by [Lise](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lise/pseuds/Lise). 



The scepter was in a Midgardian metal case, which wasn’t nearly enough to keep Odin from feeling the immense power radiating from it. He’d known that the Tesseract had been an Infinity Stone, and the thought of Loki wielding one infinity stone was bad enough, but two? It was a miracle that Midgard hadn’t been decimated yet.

Sitting on the Hlidskjalf, Odin had seen when Loki had arrived in Midgard. Disbelief, turning to relief, turning to shock and then, lastly, anger. His son, the one he’d thought lost for over a year, was alive. And attacking Midgard. The crazed, wild eyed look in his eyes had disturbed Odin, but he’d had more pressing matters to attend to, then. 

But now, staring down at the scepter, or the case that contained it, Odin couldn’t help but wonder about the source of that madness. He had merely assumed that it was a powerful magical artifact that Loki had somehow gotten hold of. That’s what it was, in a way. But way more powerful than Odin could have suspected. And Loki couldn’t have simply gotten _hold of it_. 

“Father?” Thor’s voice broke him out of his speculative silence, and Odin turned his eye towards his elder son. 

“Thank you, Thor. For bringing this here. It seems like the situation is far more complicated than we had been anticipating,” Odin watched closely for Thor’s reaction. He had, perhaps, not even been aware that there was a ‘situation.’ To be fair, neither had Odin. Not until he saw the scepter. 

Odin had thought that his son had gone insane in the void, stewing in his anger and resentment, for so long, in silence and oblivion. And while he did wish that there hadn’t been this problem at all, it also meant that perhaps, he had a chance to get his son back. 

Odin didn’t let himself hope too much, though. 

“What do you mean, father?” Thor was frowning at him, looking back and forth between the scepter and him. 

“There might be more to the story than we’d assumed, regarding your brother and the Chitauri attack,” he settled on, finally. It won’t do to say too much, not before he had more information. 

“Loki?” Thor asked, his voice both hopeful and apprehensive at once. 

“We can’t say anything for sure yet,” Odin warned. 

To his credit, Thor didn’t look disappointed by that reply, and simply nodded. 

“Keep it away in the vaults for now, Thor. I would examine it myself later.” 

Odin stood up then, the curiosity was gnawing at him, and he couldn’t make himself wait as he dismissed Thor and started towards the dungeons, Gungnir gripped tightly in his hands as he nodded at the Einherjars posted at the entrance. 

As he walked towards Loki’s cell, he started feeling some of the apprehension Thor’s eyes had reflected. If what he thought was actually true, then what would be the next course of action? Who had given Loki the Mind Stone, who had been the one controlling him? How big of a threat did they possess? Considerable, Odin mused, since they had one Infinity Stone with them already, and an army of Chitauri at their disposal. The destruction of such a large section of the Chitauri would be a significant blow, and Odin wasn’t sure if it would make them weak or come back with even more vigour.

Lost in his speculations, he almost didn’t realise when he reached Loki’s cell. The transparent shield at the front allowed him to see Loki, sitting on the bed as he set aside the book he’d been reading. His movements were languid, as if he couldn’t care less about the presence of the All-Father in front of his cell. 

Loki stood up, and came near the barrier, crossing his arms over himself and looking at Odin with an almost bored gaze, “Finally come to kill me?” 

Recalling what he’d seen of Loki at the time of his arrival in Midgard, Odin noticed visible differences. His face was… clearer. Less pale. His eyes their usual brilliant blue-green. That Loki had looked about to topple over, sunken in feverish eyes, bloodless lips, ashen skin. 

Now that he was looking for it, the differences felt glaring. 

Loki was still waiting for a response, and Odin steeled himself, Perhaps he should have bought Frigga along with him. Loki had always been closer to her. 

“Loki,” he started, and paused. How does one start such a conversation? Perhaps it would be beneficial to be more direct, “Who gave you the Mind Stone?” 

Loki stilled, his expression blanking for just a single moment before his mask of indifference was back on, “What do you mean?” 

“The Mind Stone, who gave it to you?” 

Loki sneered, “What makes you say someone gave it to me?” 

Odin took another step forward, coming closer to the invisible barrier, “I can’t assume you just stumbled upon one of the greatest powers in the universe.” 

"And what if I did? What if the Norns found me worthy of an Infinity stone?” Loki’s spine had gone ramrod straight, and he was standing there with a mildly stony yet challenging expression. 

“Did they?” 

Odin watched as Loki seemed to flinch back at his words, but he regained composure remarkably quickly, “What do you want?” 

“I already asked you, who gave you the stone, Loki?” 

“I already answered you,” his tone had taken a haughty edge.

“You deflected,” Odin countered, “You answered a question with a question.” Loki had always been good with words.

Loki narrowed his eyes at him, his jaw clenching visibly. 

Perhaps a different angle.

“Loki, tell me, what happened after you fell?” 

Loki’s lips curled, “I let go.” 

This time, it was Odin who had to suppress a flinch. He had often wondered what he could have said to Loki that day, something other than _‘No, Loki.’_ Something, anything that might have made him hold on.

“After you let go,” Odin acquiesced. 

“I found purpose,” the words came out flat, mechanical, as if he was reciting something. Odin just stared at Loki, calm, not letting his face reveal anything of what he was feeling, except perhaps patient curiosity. 

Odin could see it unnerved Loki, cracking him, just a little. “What do you want me to say?” his shoulders were tensed, braced against something Odin couldn’t tell. 

“The truth.” Odin almost wanted to laugh at the irony. God of Lies. 

Loki laughed, then. A harsh, brittle sound. “And I assume you’ll just believe me?” 

“Depends on what you tell me.” 

“So I’ll ask again, All-Father,” Loki tilted his head to the side, in mocking indulgence, “What do you want to hear?” 

“Loki,” Odin sighed, suddenly too exhausted to play games anymore. But he knew Loki won’t let up that easily, “Where did you land after you- after you let go.”

“And what are you going to do with that information?” So easily deflecting, so easily not answering his questions. 

Why wasn’t Loki just… cooperating? “We have the Mind Stone with us.” 

Odin caught a flicker of something across Loki’s face before it was smothered,

“What,” Loki started, “So now you will use it to draw what you need from my mind?” 

“No. What I mean is, that whoever it is you’re afraid of, won’t be able to reach you through it anymore. The Tesseract is safe with us too. You don’t have to be afraid.” 

“I am not afraid,” Loki said quickly. Too quickly. 

“There is no shame in fear, Loki.” 

Odin could see as his throat worked to swallow, his hands clenched and white knuckled.

“He will come,” Loki said suddenly, fiercely, eyes blazing and too bright. “You can’t do anything about it, old man. Perhaps delay the inevitable, but not prevent it.”

“Who is he?” Odin did his best to keep his tone even despite his foreboding. 

“Leave me alone.” Loki abruptly turned around, his breath loud and panting.

Odin entered the cell after a second of unlocking it, he wondered if he was making a mistake. 

“No, not like this,” he said when he was inside, within touching distance, “Loki,” Odin reached out a hand to touch his shoulder, and Loki flinched violently this time, pulling away from him and looking at him with slightly wild eyes before his gaze darted around the cell, as if looking for an escape. “ _Loki_ , tell me. We can help you.”

Loki focused back at him, giving him a loud bitter laugh, eyes sharpening for a moment before they lost focus again. “No, you can’t.”

“Not if you don’t say anything.” 

“And why should I?” Odin was trying, couldn’t Loki see that? Why was he so intent in antagonising his own father?

“I am your father, Loki…” Odin sighed, “Whatever you might think, it is not my intention to make you suffer.” 

Loki stared, and his breath was loud in the otherwise silent cell. “It’s too late for that.” 

“Loki,” Odin was grasping in semi darkness now. Perhaps another new approach would work better, “I saw you when you first arrived on Midgard, that… that wasn’t you.” 

“No,” Loki’s expression flared, “Don’t. _Don’t_. What are you hoping to achieve with this? Why are you doing this?”

“You’re my son.” The sentence was so similar to another conversation they had had, the start of a catastrophe. Odin would have regretted saying them had he not meant them nearly so wholeheartedly, willing Loki to understand. Understand that Odin was trying to _help_. 

“No, I am not. I am- was, a political tool. A stolen relic. Who outgrew its usefulness.” Odin barely repressed a wince.

“Perhaps those had been my original intentions,” he allowed, “But they’re no longer. You’re my son in every way that matters.” 

Loki’s lips curled in a cruel smirk, and he didn’t even wait a beat before launching his next verbal attack, “Wasn’t my birthright to die, Odin All-Father? How does being your son fit into that?”

There aren’t many things that Odin regretted in his life, but those he did, he did greatly. And saying those things in his fit of rage was one of those. It had taken him a while, but he’d understood that Loki had been provoking him. Expecting, maybe even hoping for such a response. 

Loki was looking at him, a challenging glint in his eyes, all of his previous discomfort gone. Or perhaps, just well hidden. He thought the latter more likely. 

Odin let out a weary sigh, and something odd passed over Loki’s face. “Those were words spoken in untempered anger.” 

“Does that make them any less true?” 

_Yes_ , Odin wanted to say vehemently, to take Loki by the shoulders and shake sense into him. But it won’t help any, will it? Loki was trying to provoke him again, into what, Odin didn’t know, but he _did_ know better this time not to rise to it. “The truth has no need for constant statement. Some are better left unsaid.” 

“Until they turn into distant lies.” 

_You’re my son,_ he wanted to repeat, but instead said, “Perhaps, but this isn’t one.” 

Loki shook his head, once, “You never loved me, and you never will. Not a monster.” Odin sighed again, he’d made too many mistakes, it seemed.

Very slowly, and very carefully, Odin placed a hand on Loki’s shoulder, who went absolutely rigid. For a moment Odin thought he would be shrugged off, pushed away, but Loki remained still. “Loki, my son-” 

“I am _not your son_!” he snarled.

“You’ll always be my son.” Odin noticed that Loki was trembling faintly.

“Shut up! _Shut up!_ If it was true, then where were you? Where- when--” Loki choked on his words, his eyes blazing, hard, and cracked at the same time.

“When, Loki?” he asked, fervently, “Tell me, where did I go wrong?” 

Loki laughed again, a cutting sound, and this time, Odin did flinch. “Where? You’re asking me, you’re asking me where you went wrong? Where _didn’t_ you?” 

Odin tightened his grip on Loki’s shoulder, “What happened in the void, Loki? What happened there?” Odin could almost see Loki falling apart, whatever walls he’d built up, whatever cold apathy he had surrounded himself with, coming down piece by piece, and then crumbling to dust. Loki’s eyes were shining, brimming with tears, and for a moment Odin was sure he’d start weeping, but instead he just spoke, his voice vicious.

“He was in my head! He was _in my head_ for almost- almost a year! You have,” he said frantically, “You have no idea,” his breath was coming in rapid gasps, “You don’t understand, you never, you never will.”

Loki, his son, called the Silvertongue, was _stuttering_. Odin’s heart clenched.

“Then help me understand. Tell me.” Loki shook his head, throwing off Odin’s hand and staggering back a few steps, burying his hands in his head and flopping down on the bed.

“No, _no_ , why should I? Why? You weren’t there, no one was. How could you help me?” Loki kept laughing in short bursts, and it sounded like he was walking on the thin ledge between sanity and insanity. Or perhaps he’d already crossed it.

Loki started pulling at his hair, almost ripping off chunks of it. Odin crouched down in front of him, ignoring the creaks of his aging body, setting Gungnir down next to them. He wanted to take his son into his arms, soothe him, tell him everything will be alright, that he'll make it right. But Loki wasn’t a child anymore, no matter how much he seemed like one at the moment. 

“ _Don’t touch me_!” he recoiled from Odin’s hand, and then said, in a slightly raspy voice, “You shouldn’t have bought the Mind Stone here.”

“It’s safe here, we won’t let it harm you anymore. Whoever hurt you, I won’t let them hurt you anymore.”

“It’s too late for that.” The tears still hadn’t fallen.

“We can help you, Loki, if you let us,” he pursed his lips for a moment, “Perhaps you have no love for me anymore, but you can trust your mother. She wouldn’t see you like this.” 

Odin tried to take some solace in the fact that Loki didn’t immediately dispute Frigga being his mother too. And he’d stopped trying to pull his hair out. 

“Leave.” 

“No, Loki.” Odin winced, the exact words had been their undoing, he hastily added, “I’m not leaving you alone like this.” 

“Wasn’t I supposed to rot in the dungeons?” he asked, his face whipping up to meet Odin’s eyes, hard and cold and _angry_. “What’s so difficult about that?” The speed at which Loki was regaining composure was disturbing, but his eyes remained red rimmed, face ashen, lips pressed together in a thin line. 

Odin changed his approach again, he seemed to be doing quite a lot of that here. “You still haven’t answered my question.” 

“I have no obligation to.”

“Why won’t you tell me? What did they do to you? What have they threatened you with?” 

“Leave me alone!” Loki cried out, getting on his feet, and half the items in the room went flying, slamming into the white walls with loud thuds and crashes. 

“You said I wasn’t there. Give me a chance now, Loki. I can be here now. Let me,” Odin stood up too, but didn’t try to get closer to Loki.

“Why are you doing this? What do you want from me?” 

Odin almost said there were no ulterior motives, but that wasn’t completely true, was it? There could be a threat to Asgard, that was the… main reason he had come down. But seeing Loki like this, he’d almost forgotten about it.

“I want to understand,” he said, finally, after a beat of silence. 

And then the silence stretched on, as Loki stared at him with wide, red eyes, his breathing had slowed down a little and he didn’t sound on the verge of hyperventilating anymore. Odin waited.

“Thanos.” Loki’s voice was flat, and his face now completely wiped of emotions. 

Odin stilled, his eyes widening a fraction. His heart sank, Thanos. The Mad Titan. 

“He was the one…” this time Odin’s voice faltered.

“You got what you wanted, now leave.” 

“I want to help you.” The anger was back, and Loki shot forward, grabbing Odin by his arms and _shaking_ him. Not unlike Odin had imagined doing to Loki a few moments ago. 

“Where was your _help_ when he was torturing me? When he tore me apart and then put me back together again and again and again? When he entered my- my head--” Odin absently noticed Loki’s nails drawing blood, “Do you know what that’s like, Odin?! Do you? _Do you?_ ” Loki pushed him away harshly, his face stricken, as if he couldn’t believe what he’d done- or said. Odin staggered back, too stunned to react much. Gungnir was still on the ground. 

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Odin knew that Loki could still use his magic inside the cell, and that without Gungnir, Loki might be able to do considerable damage to his person. But right now, he was more worried that Loki was going to hurt _himself_.

“Why are you _still here_ ?” Loki’s words came out strangled, and the tears finally, _finally_ slipped out of his eyes, streaking down his cheeks, before he crumpled to the floor. 

“I told you, Loki. Please, let me help. Let me be a good father for once.” Odin’s heart was aching, seeing his son like this, not to mention the horrifying things Thanos had put him through. He _didn’t_ know, he didn’t know what it must have been like. But he could speculate, imagine, and it made his heart ache all the more. 

Loki bought his legs up to his chest, wrapping his hands around his knees and burying his face in them. His shoulders were shaking. Tentatively, and unheeding of the possible bad reactions, Odin sat down next to him and wrapped an arm around Loki. Loki didn’t show that he’d even acknowledged the touch whatsoever.

“Let me make things right, my son,” he murmured, and distinctly heard Loki’s breath hitch in response. 

A small part of Odin wanted to leave, ignore this… mess. The mess he had created, to not deal with the consequences of his own actions. His role in everything that happened to Loki. But that part was small, and however prideful Odin might be, he was capable of recognising a mistake of this magnitude, affecting his own son. 

And then, to his surprise, Loki leaned towards him, and Odin heard a small, choked sob escape him. Odin wasted no time in bringing forth his own hand to wrap Loki in an embrace, so reminiscent of the times when Loki had been but a child. He held him close as Loki cried.

“I’m here for you now,” it was as much a statement as a promise. 

**Author's Note:**

> So this was my first ever Marvel fic, and I think I am still a little mindblown over the fact that I actually managed to write it? It was a struggle, every single sentence, but wow, it paid off, I am actually, honestly, happy with the result. Marvel is my absolute favourite fandom, and Loki my absolute favourite character. I was so afraid I won't be able to do it justice, that I didn't even get started on this fic for a long while.
> 
> I almost gave up a couple times, and was heart broken that I might not be able to write in one of my favourite fandoms. But now I honestly have hope. 
> 
> Tell me how it was, how bad or how good. Right now it's only a one shot, but there is a small possibility that I might expand on it.


End file.
